


Affairs

by AmberAsters



Series: The Sunday Paper [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Celebrities, Depression, F/M, Other, Politics, enemies? to friends to lovers, faking, slower burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:02:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23076712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberAsters/pseuds/AmberAsters
Summary: Stretch hated airports, he really did, and now he was stuck with them all because he had morals. Why those morals always had to bite him in the coccyx he wasn't sure, but he was really regretting feeding them now. They had a taste for freedom and for some reason this human offered it.Undertale belongs to Toby Fox and all the Undertale aus belong to their respected owners.
Relationships: Underswap Papyrus/oc
Series: The Sunday Paper [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626907
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. A Hero

Stretch hated airports. They were loud and full of people with more LV and hate than he cared to stand beside. Though all the LV and hate in the world couldn’t stop him from making sure Blue was alright when he stepped off the plane. Besides it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle, so long as he had coffee and doughnuts both saturated in enough honey to send someone into cardiac arrest. Both of which he could get at the airport. So in reality it wasn’t that bad even if the gate Blue came out of always seemed to be the most crowded.

He had his honey and that was really all he needed to be able to power through the wait. Sleep, honey, and the knowledge that his bro was okay could power him through anything.

“I said no.” The strong shot of intent stoped him short like a bowling ball to the nuts before he even heard the words, and it hadn’t even been directed at him. His magic buzzing as his eyes searched the crowd till they landed on a tall woman who was trying to pull her arm away from some creep with an equally creepy grin.

He felt his feet moving before he really made a decision to help. He didn’t like the intent coming off the guy, nor did he like the look in the ladies eyes. Besides what kind of judge was he if he didn’t decide a proper punishment.

He easily pushed his way trough the crowd, being by far the tallest person there, monster or otherwise. Well that and for the fact humans liked to avoid monsters like the plague even more the ones that looked like the walking dead.

When he drew close enough he was a bit surprised at how tall the woman really was. She had to be at least Red’s hight if not taller and she wore heels besides that. So it wasn’t that hard for him in his usual slouch to approach them and throw an arm over her spindly shoulders.

“there ya are hun, i was wondering where you ran off too.”He felt her tense slightly under his weight, cautious of him and his intentions. He gave her bicep a light squeeze as he pried the man’s arm off her with his slightly free hand. “was this guy trying ta bother ya, hun?”

“No, did you get my coffee?” She brought a hand to cover his own gloved one and squeezed it slightly in response. He was a bit surprised at how calm she acted, not even a shake in her voice or a quiver in her hands as she dealt with two strangers.

“yup, super sweet with extra honey, try not to get a cavity in the first sip, okay.” He passed her the cup as he turned his attention to the man again, blank sockets fierce. “now if you excuse me sir, we have to get to her gate.”

He gently guided the woman forward, brushing past the man and slipping easily into the crowd. When he had brushed past the man he made sure to infuse some of his magic into him as a warning for other monsters of a possible danger, just like Edge had shown everyone back before they came to the Surface. He would be so mad with himself if he didn’t warn innocent monsters of a violent pervert, if the bruises on the woman’s arm said anything about that.

“he’s following us… do you trust me?” His voice was a gentle rumble as he spoke and he almost believed she missed it if not for the sharp nod she gave him a few moments later. “alright just follow my lead.” She squeezed his hand again and this time didn’t release it, a bit of nervousness leaking through her calm mask.

He could see Blue’s gate up ahead, behind the restricted sign and people milling out of it and he briefly wondered why he didn’t see his brother as well. He supposed it wouldn’t serve him very many favours anyway if his brother was there, this was an espionage mission after all.

He glanced at the woman then who was typing out messages furiously on her phone, while somehow holding his coffee. He took a glance at a few messages while she was distracted.

_Currently safe_

_Man following_

_Gate 10 currently._

“so, how’d you like ebott?” He questioned out of actual curiosity, taking the coffee from her and taking a long pull from the cup, his bag of doughnuts still hanging from the arm around the human. Her attention was caught from her phone, apparently the question heavy enough for her to put it away as well.

“It was nice… I even met a few monsters, and I gotta admit the were almost too nice, it was a bit pull out the rug kinda experience.” He could have almost laugh at the irony that the human didn’t even know what she was dragging out. “I’m kinda sad to leave actually… so you like it here?”

“born and raised, tibia honest kinda want to travel, been in to tight of a place for far too long.” He took another long pull form his coffee and man was he itching for a smoke about now. He liked the thought of travel so far as he could stay on the ground. He’d been underground for years sure, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like ground under his feet.

“Yeah I can get that.” The voice was small, tiny compared to before. He almost expected her to disappear along side the it.

They drew to a stop in front of the gate doors, a long line keeping them from entering the more private area for all the mucky mucks that it held. He pulled his arm away next and let her turn to look at him, and the surprise on her face was pure comedy gold, and it wasn’t even the bit disgusted. She smiled.

“Tibia, really?” He smiled right back at her.

“found it humorous did ya?” He glanced away and to the crowd, searching over the tops of the people. “So are you good here, or would you like me to stay a bit longer?” _Is someone coming?_

“I think so, boarding starts soon, but I don’t have to leave yet.” She caught on quick, giving him a smirk with her reply. _Soon, but don’t leave yet._

“that sounds good, means i get you to myself for a bit longer, well sorta _.”_ He sent her a wink that earned him a blush and a shy smile on rosy lips.

She drew her eyes to the side and bit at her lip as she contemplated something. Her eyes flashing back up to his sockets and her smile turned shyer. She grasped the collar of his hoodie and pulled him down to her level in order to place a kiss to his boney cheek. His face coloured orange, brightly enough that she giggled at the look he gave her.

In any case the stalker disappeared and he made sure to tell her as such. “well, look what you went and did, scaring all the other boys away.” Her smile grew into a grin and she took one big step away from him. He could tell that it wasn’t out of disrespect, but what ever act they were pulling was over and as such so was their interaction.

“Ash!” He watched her spin around and smile brightly as he teleported away. No need in staying longer than what was required of him. Besides he had a blue brother to go hunt down.

()_()

“PAPY!” Stretch sat up quickly like he had sand bag dumped on his stomach, his brother was a close enough equivalent. His brother who was now pushing him over to make room on the couch for himself and turning on the TV.

Stretch blinked at a picture of him and that girl on the news, switching between angles as he did. There was a few of them just walking, a few of the talking, then there was one of the kiss. The news anchor prattling on about celebrities and the first possible human monster relationship.

Three different phones went off at once and Stretch could already feel a headache coming on. He needed a smoke before he dealt with any of this.


	2. It's Just Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deal is presented and Stretch isn't happy about it.

Stretch could only grumble and stare as he sat between Blue and Asgore, some business guy sitting across from them with folders full of papers and proposals. Yet Stretch’s attention wasn’t on any of them, no his attention was on the woman at the table who was looking at her nails in disinterest. The same woman he had helped at the airport. He barely recognized her when he first saw her, having a resting bitch face instead of gentle smiles and her tone always bordered on catty. He supposed he shouldn’t expect much out of the celebrity if her bio said anything about her.

Astra a hit singer and actor, who was pulled of the streets of some tiny town in the middle of no where. She grew up in show business and had maybe two of everything and everyone who has claimed to have met her or worked with her says she’s difficult and particular as a kind way to put it. Though Stretch could deviate a few things with just a quick glance over her soul. For one her real name was Asher and her current goal was to leave.

He already didn’t like her and he only seen the faked act she had given him in the airport.

“PAPY!” He turned at his brother’s exasperated shout and was met face first with a large stack of papers. “PAY ATTENTION BROTHER, THIS IS IMPORTANT, UNLESS YOU WANT TO READ THIS ALL YOURSELF!”

“who says i am doing it bro?” The room drew to silence and everyone stared at him, but the only person he looked at was Asher. He carefully kept his face blank, but her grey eyed gaze was full of emotion. Shock, confusion, maybe a bit of hurt, mostly anger. A perfect painting for him to read, unlike the cool mask she had been the other day.

“BUT BROTHER!-“ Asgore stopped his brother from speaking and instead attempted to draw Stretch’s attention to himself with little success so he just spoke.

“Stretch, in doing this you could draw a bridge between humans and monsters, inspire humans that monsters aren’t so bad, if we have a popular figure showing them they can be more accommodating and Miss. Astra has offered us such a deal.”

Stretched stared fo a few more moments before uncrossing his arms and using gloved hands to pull the stack of paper towards himself. The others watched as he flipped the cover to the fist age of the contract and read.

It was pretty straight froward despite all the confusing wording and round about way of saying things. He could read physics textbooks in Wings Dings, this was cake compared to that and it allowed for him to spot a few things that he didn’t like.

“the only way i’m doing this is if we change a few things first.” A glance at his brother told him that Blue was over joyed at such a revelation and Asgore was relieved. The manager just hummed as if he’d been in this situation over a hundred times and some outrageous offer was going to be made.

“one, i want to be able to drop out whenever without consequence, i don’t want this to feel like it’s life or death and it should be the same for her.” He watched the two and man did he seem to be surprising people today. “two, neither of us should have to be pushed outside our comfort zone, if we say no it means no and i don’t want to hear how me being some pirate captain will change the course of a movie, ya got the wrong monster for that one, finally, i’ll need honey, cigarettes, and sleep if i’m doing this and i don’t wanna hear any bitching about how much i have of any of them.”

He crossed his arms again as he slid down into his seat, he hoped the hood over his head didn’t make him seem like he was pouting because really what reason was there too. If they said yes or no it didn’t affect him any. It was between lazing around at home or walking around as some kinda arm candy for this woman and lazing around. Either way would affect him the same.

“I think that can be arranged, your terms aren’t outrageous and simple enough.” Stretch came a hair’s widths away from snorting to that. Outrageous shouldn’t even be in the guys vocabulary. He could probably buy the moon and say it was just an impulse buy. If they couldn’t supply him with honey and cigarettes or make sure he was comfortable in this exchange would be just pathetic on his part. “We’ll make sure to retype the contract and then we will get you to sign is Mr. Swap.”

He watched as the two high end people gathered their things and sashayed out the door. As soon as it clicked shut his brother was on him both mad and excited and Stretch could only be amused.

“YOU WERE SO RUDE PAPY, BUT YOU TOOK THE DEAL, YOU BETTER NOT ACT LIKE THAT WITH HER, OH BUT YOU PRACTICLY DATING A CELEBRITY, THAT’S SO EXCITING!” Asgore rumbled out a laugh at the hopeless expression that Stretch decided to throw his way, shaking his head and leaving them to their own devices for the time being. “OH, WE’LL HAVE TO GET YOU NEW CLOTHES AND GET YOU PACKED UP, YOUR GOING TO A BIG CITY AFTER ALL, OH I WANT TO COME SO BAD.”

“bro you go to big cities all the time.”

“IT’S NOT THE SAME! YOU WILL GET TO EXPLORE WHILE I’M ALWAYS STUCK IN MY HOTEL TILL THE MEETINGS AND THE PLANE FLIGHTS ARE NO BETTER!” Stretch knew he wasn’t fast enough when his brother’s smile fell from his face, because he of course had to see the shot of fear that crossed his features for a fraction of a second. Now he would remember why and then mother Stretch like a bird. “Oh… maybe you could take the bus.”

“i don’t think busses go that far bro, besides i would have to get on a plane one day anyway, so why not this week?” Something filter across Blue’s face before Stretch watched in turn into full out panic.

“OH MY GOSH, WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK DON’T WE! YOU HAVE TO PACK AND THERES ALL THE PAPERWORK! PAPY GET UP THERE’S SO MUCH WE HAVE TO DO!” Stretch let his brother pull him from his chair and drag him out one of the conference rooms the Embassy held.

Stretch felt he would regret all this later, but he could handle a salty princess for a while if it made his brother this happy. Besides who was he to deny the possible happiness of Monsters especially since he was just a hitch hiking free loader in this world. So he could totally do this.


	3. Fly Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theirs a plane and an entourage

He totally couldn’t do this. Stretch was already having an inner anxiety attack and he wasn’t even on the plane yet.

“COME ON PAPY, WE’ER GOING TO BE LATE!” Of course Blue was all excited since the Embassy told him he would get to go and deal with some important business in the city for the next week or so. Blue got to come, that was his only saving grace. Well he supposed it depended on how you looked at it.

On one hand he wouldn’t be alone when he left Ebott for the first time or was on a plane for the first time. As well as just having his wonderful bro’s company. On the other hand, it meant constant pestering, not being able to sleep, to smoke, to get the wonderful honey filled coffee he can specially order from the one cafè.

As soon as this deal started he was going to reap his side of the deal for all it was worth.

“come on bro it’s not like the plane’s going to leave without us.” It really wasn’t, it was a private plane, one where he could say when he was ready to go and so far that was looking like never. His anxiety climbing every step closer to the flying death trap. His feet stopping him just at the bottom of the steps that lead up and with a small voice he spoke, “maybe I could just teleport.”

“DON’T BE SILLY BROTHER, YOU'LL DUST FROM USING THAT MUCH MAGIC!” Blue then looked, really looked and Stretch could see when Blue realized just how freaked out he was. “OH PAPY, THERE’S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, JUST A FEW HOURS IN THE SKY AND WE’LL BE THERE, I BET YOU’LL EVEN END UP ENJOYING IT!” 

Stretch highly doubted that.

Blue pushed him up the steps until he was standing in the private plane he would be taking. It had plush seats and wide windows, mini fridges, and a welcoming staff… maybe they could just punch him out and he could sleep the whole way.

“SIT!” Blue pulled him into the chair beside his, Stretch practicly falling into the plush seat beside him. Blue waved at someone and pulled his phone out as he showed Stretch some kind of agenda. “NOW ONCE WE LAND WE’LL BE GOING SEPARATE WAYS, I SENT YOU THIS SO YOU WOULD KNOW WHERE I’LL BE AND WHEN AND SO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU HAVE TO BE AND WHEN, APPARENTLY ASTRA ONLY HAS SO MUCH FREE TIME TO SPEND OUT IN THE PUBLIC.”

“thank god.” Stretch mumbled as he slumped into the chair.

A side ways glare from Blue and then he continued. “AS SOON AS YOU GET THERE, THERE WILL BE A SENCE OF YOU GETTING GREETED BY ASTRA, THERE’S A SET OF DETAILS IN THE FILE I SENT YOU ASWELL…HMM… IT SEEMS MOST OF YOUR INTERACTIONS WILL BE STAGED, YOUR SUPPOSED TO NOTIFY THE MANAGER IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH ANYTHING, AND SO ON.”

Stretch tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Never before had he seen his life becoming a literal rom-com of a fake love story. Then again he never saw himself dating a human, even if it was fake dating, for the sake of good publicity for monsters. At least he didn’t have to do much more than fake stuff he absolutely didn’t really mean.

“okay bro.”

“We will be taking off soon, sirs, just to let you know.”

_And_ hell was back in the house.

=-=

The whole trip Stretch held the armrests on either side of himself with a death grip. His eyes either blown wide or closed tight. It was apparently worrying enough for the flight attendant to ask multiple times if he was alright. Only to have Blue wave them off for him because Stretch doubted he could talk even if he wanted to.

The worst parts of the flight were the take off and landing, feeling like they would skid into the side of the mountain. He also was certainly not looking out the window when Blue prompted him to.

Stretch might even tempt to attempt the shortcut next time, because there would have to be a trip home at some point.

“COME ON PAPY YOU CAN LET GO NOW, WE ARE HERE.” With his brother’s coaxing he slowly pried his fingers from the chair and was pulled up onto shaky legs.

He hated flying, he hated planes, and he hated airports even more now. He was starting to hate this deal a whole lot more than when he had first learned of it.

When he reached the ground he was so tempted to kiss it, but the amount of people there to greet him at the bottom made him pause. Reporters, paparazzi, people in fancy suits and a limo. Suddenly his cargo pants and hoodie made him feel underdressed, and he usually didn’t care what other people thought. It didn’t help that Blue was wearing one of his own business suits, with the grey shirt and bandana.

Blue barely spoke before disappearing in a sea of cameras and micro phones. It took a moment for Stretch to realize that the thought that Blue was supposed to be the monster they were waiting for not him, despite looking exactly like the monster they saw on TV.

Astra popped in beside him with body guards flanking her. Her smile the same as when he first meet her. So welly faked that even he couldn’t tell if it real without a soul check.

“Stretch! I’m so glad you made it alright, I hope you don’t mind the entourage it’s an occupational hazard.” She went for a hug that he accepted with still shaky arms, one that caught the cameras attention. Mics were suddenly being shoved in his direction along with cameras and questions. Astra just smiled as she easily fit herself under one of his arms and talked. “Thank you all for coming, but I’m sure Stretch here is tired from the flight, so if you would all excuse us.”

The body guards stepped forward to block the reporters and he was lead to the limo, where he let Astra get in first before following, briefly realizing he didn’t get to say good bye to Blue.

Once the door shut, Astra kicked her feet up on the chair across from her and pulled out her phone completely ignoring him.

He supposed he could live with that, he was still a bit shaken from the plane and star struck from everything else. “could I have a smoke in here?”

“Suit yourself, just open the sun roof.” Astra grumbled, fingers flying over the screen of her phone.

Stretch did as said before lighting up, relaxing as the smoke filled his head and ribs. He even formed a tongue to make lazy smoke rings in the air to get blown out the roof. He needed a whole pack before he could deal with the world or for what ever the reason the human was looking at him for.

“what,” he finally croaked out through air.

“You have… a tongue?” Astra questioned, eyebrow raised and phone forgotten.

“sure do.” Stretch even made a point of sticking the glowing appendage out at her mockingly as he did. “would be pretty hard to swallow without it.

“Says the skeleton.” Now it was his turn to raise a brow, the action befuddling the human more.

“skeletons are living monsters despite what most humans think.” Stretch shrugged, letting his smoke hang in the air as he spoke, “we eat, we sleep, we get sick, we get drunk, we can do everything humans do with a few added bonuses.”

“I can tell.” Astra deadpanned as she pointedly looked at his floating cigarette and then went back to her phone. Maybe he could live with this if every interaction was like this one. “Oh and there’s honey in the mini fridge.”

Maybe there was a bit of heaven in hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Knew I'd get this out today, already have the next chapter milling around in my mind, but probably won't post till Sunday. Now I just have to get Daily Joke started.


End file.
